Our government is responsible for increasing our country’s safety against hate crimes by strengthening current hate crime legislation, despite the limitation of our freedoms that might bring on. Since the Hate Crime Statistics Act was established in 1990, the number of hate crimes reported has consistently ranged around 7,500 or more annually. According to a new study by the Leadership Conference on Civil Rights Education Fund, this approximates to nearly one every hour of every day. Therefore, it seems that for every hate crime that is occurring, there is another one being plotted. Some feel that hate crime legislation will inhibit free speech, while others believe that establishment of stronger hate crime legislation will, more importantly, decrease crime rate. hate crimes target people of different race, religion, gender, sexual orientation (most recently changed to also include the transgender community) and even those who exhibit a disability. These crimes range from name calling and vandalizing, to murder. As a witness of such crimes, I support the establishment of more improved hate crimes laws. With the establishment of stricter laws, instances such as the murder of Matthew Sheppard, a student of the University of Wyoming, will be less likely to occur. Even though the laws would be a form of policing our thoughts, as some claim, policing our thoughts leads to policing of actions which will result in fewer crimes committed because people will learn, at some point that their actions have consequences.
Crimes that result because of hatred or prejudice against others has been a reality for thousands of years, beginning as far back as the sixteenth and seventeenth centuries (maybe even further), with the crimes committed against Native Americans by the Europeans and continuing on until today. Most of them stem off of religious and ethnic biases, especially those committed in the United States. According to the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI), however, the term Hate Crimes did not become a part of vocabulary, specifically in the United States, until the 1980s, when emerging hate groups, like the Skinheads, began committing numerous bias-related crimes. The first recorded "hate crime" occurred in 1922. The Federal Bureau of Investigation encountered a rising Ku Klux Klan, white supremacist movement in Louisiana. Two people were kidnapped, tortured and murdered while thousands more received threats. Although the term has recently been defined, world history has, in a sense, been defined by such crimes. From the Romans’ persecution of Christians; the Nazis’ “final solution” for the Jews and the “ethnic cleansing” in Bosnia and genocide in Rwanda to the hate crimes being committed today against gays, blacks, Jews and any one else who doesn’t meet the attackers’ “approval”, these crimes have been, pretty much, the foundation of history.
Since the 1980’s, the United States public has become more aware of the problem of hate crimes, because of the media. Two specific tragedies initiated this heightened awareness. One was the shooting death (by a local KKK leader) of controversial radio talk show host Alan Berg in Denver, Colorado, in 1984 and two years later, the attack of three African-American men—one who died after being chased in front of a car —after their car broke down in a white New York City neighborhood called Howard Beach. These crimes (with help from the media) caused the problem of hate crimes to be taken more seriously on State and National levels. Hate Crimes have certainly received increased importance during the past decade as more crimes began being committed against certain types of groups or individuals and even though it is not fully defined the same way in all states- all definitions imply that the crimes were committed because the victim was “different”. Although many agree that hurting someone because of who they are is wrong, the current issue with hate crime legislation arises because of the ambiguity and differences in the definition of a hate crime.
People began using the term "hate crime" because it encompasses crimes committed against many different social and ethnic groups.The Hate Crime Statistics Act of 1990 defines hate crimes as “crimes that manifest evidence of prejudice based on race, religion, sexual orientation, or ethnicity, including where appropriate the crimes of murder, non-negligent manslaughter, forcible rape, aggravated assault, simple assault, intimidation, arson, and destruction, damage or vandalism of property.” However, not all states adopted this definition. For example, some include disabled people and gender while others do not. The vagueness of the definition allows for confusion between a bias-motivated crime and expression of a thought (which is protected under the U.S. Constitution). However, a major difference between a hate crime and any other crime is that a hate crime does not only affect the one or few people that were attacked, but it also affects the certain group the victims were a part of. A bias-motivated offense will cause an amount of discomfit among members of a targeted group, and a violent hate crime will just cause terror among the certain community because they will feel that “others are out to get them”. Apart from their psychological impacts, violent hate crimes can more violence in the sense that the attacked group might feel obligated to retaliate- making the problem even bigger. Therefore, criminal acts motivated by bias may carry far more weight than other types of criminal acts, so it is required that such crimes receive more severe punishment than a non-bias related hate crime.
Distinguishing between a bias and non-bias related hate crime does require policing of our thoughts, which is what critics of stronger hate crime legislation oppose, but it is essential because policing of thoughts allows deference of the certain actions that are truly what the laws are there for- to prevent ate-related thoughts from becoming an action. Legislation does not suppress free speech because the law is motivated by the desire to equalize a greater harm that is inflicted by bias-inspired thoughts, not by an attempt to suppress the expression of thoughts. In an attempt to minimize this issue, “many jurisdictions have established hate-crime units in their police departments”, and some regional task forces are spending their time investigating hate crimes. Some States have increased law enforcement training on hate crime and utilize school- and community-based prevention programs and many nonprofit organizations, such as the Anti-Defamation League, have also helped with prevention programs, services to victims, and civil lawsuits filed on behalf of victims against hate-crime perpetrators. But this is not enough.
In Attempt to limit the increasing amount of Hate Crimes committed, the United States government enacted certain laws are designed to punish the act, not the thought behind the act. The Supreme Court has ruled that while a defendant's bias cannot be used as evidence of guilt, it can be used to help establish a motive, which is an important aspect of any criminal case. For example, The Hate Crime Statistics Act of 1990, established by President Clinton, states that the Attorney General has to collect data of crimes committed which were “motivated by prejudice based on: race, color, religion, national origin, gender, sexual orientation, gender identity or disability of the victim.” Another law called the Hate Crimes Prevention Act of 2007, requires that “anyone who commits a crime due to actual of perceived race, color, religion, national origin, gender, sexual orientation, gender identity, or disability, can be sentenced to no more than ten years, unless kidnapping, attempted kidnapping, aggravated sexual abuse, attempted aggravated sexual abuse, or an attempt to kill is involved.” Additionally, the 1969 Federal Hate Crimes Law, which now includes the transgender community because of the Matthew Sheppard Act of 2009, punishes those who "willingly injures, intimidates or interferes with another person, or attempts to do so, by force because of the other person's race, color, religion or national origin" and because of his/her attempting to engage in one of six types of federally protected activities, such as attending school, patronizing a public place/facility, applying for employment, acting as a juror in a state court or voting” with imprisonment or payment of a fine. And The Violent Crime and Law Enforcement Act of 1994 (which only applies to federal crimes) requires the United States Sentencing Commission to increase the penalties for hate crimes committed on the basis of the actual or perceived race, color, religion, national origin, ethnicity, or sex of any person. The FBI also gathers data for Hate Crime Statistics.
I propose that first; even more research to be done so that we can include all of what makes a hate crime a hate crime. The Passage of the Matthew Sheppard’s Act, which changed the 1969 Federal Hate Crimes Law to include the transgender community in its definition of a hate crime, is proof that only with research and action can we make improvements. Also, a problem arises from the enactment of laws that require gathering information to give statistics because, firstly, the statistics are probably inaccurate due to underreporting and secondly, information about the statistics is not readily available to the public, so many are not completely aware of what is going on around them. So, we need to make statistics available to everyone. It is difficult to tackle the problem of under reporting, so the government should find ways to accommodate that (by, for example, being more exact with the information they do have and distributing that information). The penalties for hate crimes are severe but it does not make sense that laws apply in some cases and not others. A hate crime is a hate crime, it should not be punished based on where it happened, or how it happened, or whom it happened to, rather it should be based on why it happened- and if the only way to do that is by monitoring our thoughts then that’s allowed. After all, our actions are based on our thoughts.
Friday, November 6, 2009
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1.A) Hate crimes, examples of the harm caused by hate crimes, laws to be enforced against hate crimes.
ReplyDeleteB)Pro the establishment of scriter laws against hate crimes.
C) By giving a "sneak-peek" of some examples of how hate crimes have caused much harm to people. The language used to describe the amount of harm mate crimes can cause is very strong.
D) Don't say "especially in the U.S" - because you are talking about the U.S. to being with. Also, explain what is the Hate Crimes Statistics Act.
2. History has been defined by hate crimes. Big events in history stem from discrimination and hate crimes. Godd examples of how hate crimes cause harm to others. Sine hate crimes attack a group rather than 1 person, it cans tir up more violence. We punish the act, not the thought behind the act. Our actions are based on our thoughts.
3. It polices our thoughts.
4. A) Only mentions 1 counter-arguement (about how it polices our thoughts)
B) Strongest point is stating the severity fo hate crimes and the harm it has caused. The examples she brings show how bad this issue is.
C) I think she should address the counter-arguement a little more. She says that our actions come from our thoughts, but how can we honestly moniter and judge someone's thoughts?
D) I think it was good that she introduced examples and cases and then explained all of them. Also, stating many acts and policies that have been made about the issue was very good, but I think explaining why they are not enough should be made more clear.
E)Many people express their discrimination because they don't think they will get such severe consequences. If they see what will happen to them, they might think again.
F) They have already tried to reduce hate crimes by enforcing laws and it doesn't seem to work. The people who sommit such crimes feel very passionately about it and will never stop.
5. Laws against hate crimes should be more strongly enforced by the government in order tp protect various groups from harm.
6. A) "The term “hate crime” entered the began being used because it is broad enough to cover crimes committed not only against African Americans, but also against gays, Muslims, Koreans, and members of various other groups."
Revised: People began using the term "hate crime" because it encompasses crimes committed against many different social and ethnic groups.
B) "I propose that first; even more research to be done so that we can include all of what makes a hate crime a hate crime."
Revised: The first thing I propose is that more research be done in order to fully explain what a hate crime includes.
7. Check for spelling errors and grammatical words left out in various spots.
Argumentative Research Essay Evaluation Points
ReplyDelete1.
A. Hate Crime Legislation
B. She wants stricter Hate crime laws.
C. She uses the fear and seriousness of these crimes (especially by citing the Sheppard incident) to convince the reader that such things are bad and need more restrictions.
D. The length seems a bit much. I think the last few sentences on the background of hate crimes can be eliminated. Most Americans have heard of the KKK. If there is a great need to have something about them in the intro just state in a 1 sentence that they sparked this whole new area of crime and mention the year. More background on how hate crime started can be elaborated in the body.
2. The argument is similar to the counterargument. They are inter-related. she states that stricter hate crime laws will instill fear and thus decrease crime.
3. She states that people consider this strict hate crime laws may be considered policing of thoughts but that it isn't necessarily wrong since it will decrease crime. Definition of hate crime is briefly mentioned.
4.
A. She deals extremely well with opposition by stating that while it is true it isn't necessarily wrong. She paints "policing of thoughts" in a different light.
B. Strongest point in the essay is the point made on policing of thoughts. While it may be extreme it will get the reduce crime by instilling fear.
C. There aren't any weak points that are clear. Everything seems well enforced.
D. The last two bodies struck me as odd. It seemed like the argument was in one paragraph and the statistics supporting it were in the other. It would be best to try to blend the two.
E. A strong point that could be made would also be that the determinants for what makes a hate crime need reform as well. In this way it can eliminate the counterargument of abuse of the system.
F. Another counterargument would be that people would abuse this system and every crime could be portrayed as a hate crime. However, it could be said in the proposed reform a way that would accurately determine what is classified as a hate crime. It is mentioned briefly in one of the bodies but should be elaborated on.
5. American society recently has become more prone to hate related crimes and therefore demands stricter punishment for the participants in such crimes.
6.
Not sure what was meant by this.
The term “hate crime” entered the began being used because it is broad enough to cover crimes committed not only against African Americans, but also against gays, Muslims, Koreans, and members of various other groups.
All that's needed to fix it is to eliminate "entered the began being used because it."
Also, a problem arises from the enactment of laws that require gathering information to give statistics because, firstly, the statistics are probably inaccurate due to underreporting and secondly, information about the statistics is not readily available to the public, so many are not completely aware of what is going on around them.
That sentence seems like a run-on. Consider writing the sentences as: The enactment of laws that require research have flaws. These flaws include inaccurate statistics from underreporting and the fact that they are closed off to the public eye.
7. As mentioned earlier the last two bodies should be blended together. Otherwise the essay as a whole is pretty good.
Jessica You
ReplyDelete1A) I think this essay will be about hate crime legislation.
1B) The writer is taking the position of improving the hate crime laws.
1C) Her opinion is strong and stable. She has many information to support her argument and counterarguments. It draws our attention because i'm sure everyone of any race/ethnicity has come across or heard of unjusts done to their own people, or themselves even.
1D) Quite lengthly as an intro...
2) Arguments to support the thesis:
*decrease crime rates
*prevent possible murder cases
*"policing thoughts leads to policing of actions which will result in fewer crimes committed because people will learn, at some point that their actions have consequences."
3) Counterarguments:
*will enhibit free speech
4A) The writer did a nice job dealing with the opposition, from the support of policing thoughts leading to fewer crime rates.
4B) The writer's strongest point is that of preventing possible murder/injuries and policing people's thoughts, with strong opinion of how it should be stopped.
4C) The writer's weakest point...none really.
4D) Yes it is...
4E&F) Feel that it's stable already.
5) thesis-statement: Improving hate crime laws can lead to the decrease on hate crimes being commited, & having more protection on the civilians.
6) "Apart from their psychological impacts, violent hate crimes can more violence in the sense that the attacked group might feel obligated to retaliate- making the problem even bigger."
[..."violent hate crimes can be more violent..."]
"In Attempt to limit the increasing amount of Hate Crimes committed, the United States government enacted certain laws are designed to punish the act, not the thought behind the act."
[In an attempt..."]
7) Nothing really, except a few spelling and grammatical errors.
hate crimes target people of different race, religion, gender, sexual orientation (most recently changed to also include the transgender community) and even those who exhibit a disability.
[should capitalize the H]
Otherwise the whole essay is in good standing.
1.
ReplyDelete- Hate Crime Legislation
- Writer looking to take position of stricter Hate crime laws.
- She uses examples such as the fear and seriousness of these crimes to convince the reader that such things are bad and need more restrictions.
-Pretty lengthy.. More background on how hate crime started can be elaborated in the body.
2. Very good support, listing different examples of hate crime.
3. She states that
-people consider this strict hate crime laws may be considered policing of thoughts but that it isn't necessarily wrong since it will decrease crime.
-will enhibit free speech
4.
-She deals extremely well with opposition. The writer did a nice job dealing with the opposition, from the support of policing thoughts leading to fewer crime rates
-Strongest point in the essay is the point made on policing of thoughts. While it may be extreme by instilling fear,it will get the reduce crime. -NO week points found.
-Seemed fine.
-Many people express their discrimination because they don't think they will get such severe consequences. If they see what will happen to them, they might think again.
-They have already tried to reduce hate crimes by enforcing laws and it doesn't seem to work. The people who commit such crimes feel very passionately about it and will never stop.
5. American society recently has become more prone to hate related crimes and therefore demands stricter punishment for the participants in such crimes.
. A) "The term “hate crime” entered the began being used because it is broad enough to cover crimes committed not only against African Americans, but also against gays, Muslims, Koreans, and members of various other groups."
Revised: People began using the term "hate crime" because it encompasses crimes committed against many different social and ethnic groups.
B) "I propose that first; even more research to be done so that we can include all of what makes a hate crime a hate crime."
Revised: The first thing I propose is that more research be done in order to fully explain what a hate crime includes.
7.The essay as a whole is pretty good.
1.
ReplyDeleteA. This essay is about strengthening current hate crime legislation.
B. She wants the government to care more about hate crimes by creating hate crime legislations.
C. It contains details about hate crimes.
D. She should produce more facts and examples in the introduction.
2.
Establishment of stronger hate crime legislation will, more importantly, decrease crime rate.
3.
Hate crime legislation will inhibit freedom of speech.
4.
A. She deals with the opposition very good.
B. Her strongest point is she stated that hate crimes have certainly received increased importance during the past decade as more crimes began being committed against certain types of groups or individuals and even though it is not fully defined the same way in all states.
C. Her weakest point is the legislation does not suppress free speech because the law is motivated by the desire to equalize a greater harm that is inflicted by bias-inspired thoughts, not by an attempt to suppress the expression of thoughts.
D. She organized very well.
E. racial discrimination creates emotional stress and physical damages.
F. Hate crime legislations will change the way the whole country runs.
5.
It is very good.
6.
A bias-motivated offense will cause an amount of discomfit among members of a targeted group, and a violent hate crime will just cause terror among the certain community because they will feel that “others are out to get them”.
7.
The author should include more counterarguments and show some opposite for why hate crime legislations should not be established.
…more importantly, decrease crime rate. [hate] crimes target people of different race, religion, gender, sexual orientation… ---Hate
1. Introduction
ReplyDelete- The essay will be about hate crimes
- Writer’s position: Current hate-crime laws should be made stricter
- I don’t think there was a hook to the introduction. You could give an incident of a well known hate crime that was committed (maybe the Matthew Shepherd case). Try to make it sound dramatic.
- Suggestions to improve the introduction:
o Don’t include a counterargument in the very first sentence.
o Define hate crimes somewhere at the beginning
2. Supporting arguments
- Stricter hate crime laws will reduce crime rates
- Hate crimes induce more terror in a community than individual crimes
3. Counterarguments:
- Policing of thoughts
- Inhibits free speech
4.
A. The writer deals very well with the opposition
B. Strongest point: policing thoughts prevent the thoughts from turning into action
C. Weakest point: there are very few supporting arguments
D. I don’t think the essay was very coherent. Suggestions:
- Mention all the background information and definitions in the first paragraph after the introduction.
- Then list your arguments for supporting stricter laws. (Write separate paragraphs expounding on each argument)
- THEN put the paragraphs dealing with the opposition.
- Finally say what exactly you want the laws to be changed to
E. Another supporting argument: Hate crimes cause tension among entire communities
F. I cant think of any
5. Thesis Statement
- Change to : ”
Our government is responsible for increasing our country’s safety against hate crimes by strengthening current hate crime legislation.”
6. “The term “hate crime” entered the began being used because it is broad enough to cover crimes committed not only against African Americans, but also against gays, Muslims, Koreans, and members of various other groups”
Change to: The term “hate crime” was used because it was broad enough to cover many different groups, including African Americans, gays, Muslims, Koreans.”
“I propose that first; even more research to be done so that we can include all of what makes a hate crime a hate crime.”
Change to: Firstly, hate crimes should be defined clearly to remove current ambiguities associated with the term.
7. Break everything into paragraphs so that its easier to read and follow.
1. A) The essay is about hate crime legislation.
ReplyDeleteB) The position the write is taking is that she wants stricter legislation on hate crimes.
C) The statistic about hate crime hooked my attention, especially when it mentioned “this approximates to nearly one every hour of every day.”
D) I think the introduction is okay, but the length might be a bit long and some of the information mentioned in the intro can be placed in the body.
2. –stronger hate crime law will decrease crime rate.
-preventing future murders or genocides relating to hate crime.
3. Stricter hate crime legislation will inhibit free speech.
4. A) The writer deal wells with the opposition.
B) The writer strongest point is by having many information to support her arguments as well as her counterargument.
C) I don’t think there are any weak points to the essay.
D) Most statistics are all groups together in one paragraph, which I believed should be eliminated and instead blend the statistics with the arguments or counterargument together.
E) I think the writer already cover the argument pretty good, can’t think of anything to add.
F) One counterargument might be hate crime will continue to exist because people will continue to act due to their strong hate feelings toward a certain group of people.
5. Our Government should enforce a stricter hate crime legislation, thus will result in less crimes being committed.
6.” According to a new study by the Leadership Conference on Civil Rights Education Fund, this approximates to nearly one every hour of every day”
Revised: According to a new study by the Leadership Conference on Civil Right Education Fund, hate crime occurs at least once per hour.
“The term “hate crime” entered the began being used because it is broad enough to cover crimes committed not only against African Americans, but also against gays, Muslims, Koreans, and members of various other groups.”
Revised: The term “hate crime” was used because it is broad enough to cover crimes committed not only against African Americans, but also against gays, Muslims, and members of various other groups.
7. Some minor grammar error and you should space your paragraphs, so it will be easy for the reader to read. But overall, it’s a good essay.
Hate Crimes Legislation
ReplyDeleteThe writer is for getting hate crimes laws more strict.
The writer begins the essay with giving examples of hate crimes and the way she puts the fact that It can happen to anyone hooks my attention.
You can add more statistics on hate crimes, and how it all came about, but I would write that in the beginning of the introduction. You can add the last few sentences into the beginning of the second paragraph. shorten the first paragraph up.
2. Arguments:
- Hate crimes induce more terror in a community than individual crimes
- Decrease in crime rates
3. Counterarguments:
- laws may be considered policing of thoughts but that it isn't necessarily wrong since it will decrease crime.
- Freedom of speech
4.
Opposition is dealt with well.
The strongest point of the writer is the way she includes examples of what the consequences of hate crimes tend to be.
The weakest point are the counterarguments. Can be stronger.
Yes, the points are well organized.
One more strong point that can be made is how hate crimes effects our community.
The protection we will be receiving will be able to change us and our society.
5. Thesis Statement:
Strict laws need to be enforced in America due to the hate crimes that are in effect. Punishment need to be demanded for people who are currently involved in these specific crimes. need to be
6. Revised Sentences:
- In Attempt to limit the increasing amount of Hate Crimes committed, the United States government enacted certain laws are designed to punish the act, not the thought behind the act.
REVISED:
- Limiting the increased amount of Hate Crimes which are being committed, the United States government enacted certain laws which are designed to punish the act, not the thought behind it.
- I propose that first; even more research to be done so that we can include all of what makes a hate crime a hate crime.
REVISED:
I would get rid of that whole sentence, it makes the reader stumble on what your trying to say.
7. Transition between paragraphs are needed to be worked on and a few grammatical and spelling errors.
1.
ReplyDelete-hate crimes
-stricter legislation on hate crimes
-stating facts and statistics
-I think your intro is very good, but it's a little too long so you should try to put some of the facts from there into the body. I also think you should take out the counter-argument in the first sentence because it weakens your view on the matter. Also, in your 6th sentence you need to capitalize the h in hate.
2.
-making the legislation of hate crimes stricter will lower crime rates
-it will prevent future murders or genocides to occur
3.
-start a policing of thoughts
-it will inhibit free speech
4.
-the writer deals with the opposition well
-the writers strongest point is stating how making the legislation of hate crimes stricter will lower crime rates
-there is no weak points
-i stated what i think should be changed for the intro before
-you can write about how hate crimes affect communities.
-i cant think of any
5.
Stricter laws should be applied to all hate crimes.
6.
-Distinguishing between a bias and non-bias related hate crime does require policing of our thoughts, which is what critics of stronger hate crime legislation oppose, but it is essential because policing of thoughts allows deference of the certain actions that are truly what the laws are there for- to prevent ate-related thoughts from becoming an action.
-Distinguishing between a bias and non-bias related hate crime does require policing of our thoughts, which is what critics of stronger hate crime legislation oppose. This is essential because policing of thoughts allows deference of the certain actions that are truly what the laws are there for, which is to to prevent ate-related thoughts from becoming an action.
-Legislation does not suppress free speech because the law is motivated by the desire to equalize a greater harm that is inflicted by bias-inspired thoughts, not by an attempt to suppress the expression of thoughts
-Legislation does not suppress free speech because the law is motivated by the desire to equalize a greater harm which is inflicted by bias-inspired thoughts and not by an attempt to suppress the expression of thoughts.
7.
-The only thing i would suggest is reading your essay to yourself out loud because there are a couple run on sentences and minor grammar problems, which could be easily fixed by doing that.
1. A) this essay is going to be about hate crimes legislation.
ReplyDeleteb)The author wants to make the laws for hate crimes stricter.
c) She hooks the reader by giving examples and showing statistics about hate crimes. The statistics shock the reader because you don’t know that, that many hate crimes occur.
d) To improve the introduction paragraph you should make it way shorter. Just come out with what you’re trying to argue with some examples. And then explain it in the next paragraph.
2. The writers arguments are:
With stricter hate crime less hate crimes would happen.
Less murder cases involving hate crimes would happen
3. The writers counterarguments are:
With stricter hate crime laws would policing our thoughts. Are freedom of speech would be taken away.
4. A) she deals with the opposition alright, showing her counterargument and explaining the other side is good but she can come up with more counterarguments.
b) The writer’s strongest point is when she mentioned that she was a witness of such crimes. Even though it’s a small part in a sentence, by her saying that shows the reader that this is a real problem
c) the weakest point is that there are not that many counterarguments.
d) The points are in the most effective manner possible
e) Another strong argument for stricter hate crime laws can be that with stricter laws can inform people about hate crimes, since hate crimes is not something everybody knows.
f) A counterargument can be that the 1st amendment is going to be violated, with freedom of speech being restricted.
5. A simple and clear thesis can be: hate crime laws need to be stricter to decrease the number of hate crimes.
6. “Since the 1980’s, the United States public has become more aware of the problem of hate crimes, because of the media.” Revised: Since the 1980’s, the media has informed and made the United State more aware of hate crimes.
I propose that first; even more research to be done so that we can include all of what makes a hate crime a hate crime. Revised: the first thing I propose, is that even more research be done so we can include everything that creates what is a hate crime.
7. Some grammatical errors, and shorten the introduction paragraph. Also include one or two counterarguments, it would give a more convincing essay.
1. A. The essay will be about hate crimes.
ReplyDeleteB. The writer wants to improve laws that deal with hate crimes.
C. The writer hooks my attention by stating cases that have brought about laws that try to eliminate hate crimes.
D. It’s fine, but some of the information could be moved into the body.
2. – Decreases the crime rate
3. –Polices thoughts
-Inhibits free speech
4. A. The writer acknowledges opposition but could have stronger counterarguments.
B. The strongest points are the cases that have led to government action to stop hate crimes.
C. Everything seems to be backed up.
D. The essay is pretty well organized.
E. Eliminate tension between groups [racial/religious etc.]
F. Should certain groups get special protection over others?
5. Hate crimes laws should be improved in order to lower the crime rates.
6. I propose that first; even more research to be done so that we can include all of what makes a hate crime a hate crime.
First, I propose that more research be done to include everything that can be considered a hate crime.
These crimes (with help from the media) caused the problem of hate crimes to be taken more seriously on State and National levels.
These cases, with the help of the media, are the reason hate crimes have been taken more seriously by State and National governments.
7. Words are missing in certain places that cause sentences to not make sense.